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Vomitrocious No. 1: Gold Pet Mattresses

by Susi, 14 August 2008

Indictment of the Idiocracy 1.1

I am starting a series of posts called Vomitrocious. That is the only word I can come up with that fits the grotesque sort of “luxury” products that are being produced and marketed now. So here is Vomitrocious No. 1. I shall inaugurate this series with 22K gold mattresses for dogs and cats. As seen on Luxist. The Luxist blogger even admitted “I have a Maltese, but she does NOT have a Gold Pet Mattress. And that’s okay with me.” I certainly hope so.

The entrepreneur behind the gold pet mattresses, who does not deserve mention or a link here, admits that his own beloved dog does not sleep on a gold mattress either.

Frankly, I don’t want to know anyone who has wasted money on one of these gold mattresses for pets who couldn’t care less how precious the metal of their mattress thread is. The rather cute and stylish fellow who came up with these abominations had previously tried to market gold mattresses for humans at $24K to $30K a pop, selling only a handfull over two years in business. Looks like he retailored his failure trying to capitalise on Dumb Money (read: Russia), with these smaller and cheaper pet mattresses which fall in the range of impulse purchases for UHNWIs at $1000 to $3000. Still, it is shameless, valueless, artless nonsense. Decline and Fall. Let’s not hasten the fall by pandering to the neural deficiencies of the rich and gullible. Aren’t we above that? I hope so.

Of course, the justification is “The people who buy them are rich and stupid and deserve to be fleeced. It’s justice.” But that is morally craven, don’t you think? It amounts to supporting Idiocracy as a new structure for society. I object to Idiocracy, and Media-ocracy, and won’t compromise no matter how big the blog buzz or the profit margin. Principles are all that we have left to make the human project feasible. Let’s uphold a few of them, shall we? Along with our dignity. I call upon all pampered pets out there to poop profusely on their gold pet mattresses and worry them to shreds in protest against such vomitrociousness.

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